Been A While...

Not having internet for 6 months killed my blogging habits. Now, here I sit on my day off wondering, hmm...do I really do things interesting enough to blog about?

I guess it all depends on why I feel the urge to blog. Normally, I write in a journal that sits next to my bed, so I don't care what I write, I'm the only potential reader. Blogging should be similar since my writing is just another form of creative output to keep myself from going crazy.

All I know is that I have lost touch with my pen and paper, as well as my keyboard recently, and I think its time to start having an outlet once again. My other blog (http://maverickschmaverickmobile.blogspot.com/) was put together to form something of a more interesting nature to share with the public whenever I'm in a goofy, opinionated, or rambling mood.

But today, I'm not in a mood to entertain. I'm rarely in that mood anymore, which is very disheartening. I love making people smile, laugh, or just feel anything in general.

I want to have fun and spend time with friends and family, but I'm tired. Life is exhausting enough as it is, and living it with endometriosis is much more draining than I care to contemplate, so I normally slip into a state of partial denial and attempt to keep moving.

But it's time to make some new goals. Moving into the new place with the boyfriend, getting my dog back, and piecing life together for a brighter future, it has all inspired me to keep moving forward and searching for ways to feel like I can truly enjoy all the positive aspects of life. I have made a few decisions today as I began doing research on changing my diet yet again to a more strict meal plan. I will be facing my endo and both ovarian cysts head on yet again, but this time with a renewed sense of faith and confidence that I can conquer this. This last round of hormone treatment was a crash and burn and actually made life much more frustrating over the last month. The potential improvement was a failure, and I want to take a more natural approach to heal from the inside out. This is not going to be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever really is, I guess.

I want to enjoy the positive aspects of my life, and hormone treatments are just not the way to go. My Lupron experience wasn't as awful as it could've been, but since it had no positive long term effects, I don't feel the need to do that again either. Exercise and a good diet are great for improving the lifestyle of anyone, and with my issues, it is one more way to try to feel better (while also avoiding these monthly doctor visits that just seem to get me down since nothing is changing except the decreasing of funds in my bank account.)

I have always felt that happiness is a choice. Life bats you down constantly and it is your job to pick back up and ask yourself what you can do to make things better. I am a small speck in this world and no matter what I might tell myself, the world owes me nothing. I must take charge of my happiness. It is always an uphill climb, but it only makes me stronger and more capable to deal with life head on. One day at a time, step by step, I don't want to be tired anymore and its up to me to find out how to fix it. I don't want to live with the fears my pain and hormonal dysfunctions throw at me constantly. I want to step up to the plate ready to battle anything.

I feel blogging and journaling will be a great way to document any progress (or speed bumps) on this new found path. "Talking" about it and letting my thoughts and fears flow out freely just seems to put things into perspective better. The more I stay in touch with my goals, the better chance I have to succeed and being thankful for all the things that keep me smiling.