Been A While...

Not having internet for 6 months killed my blogging habits. Now, here I sit on my day off wondering, hmm...do I really do things interesting enough to blog about?

I guess it all depends on why I feel the urge to blog. Normally, I write in a journal that sits next to my bed, so I don't care what I write, I'm the only potential reader. Blogging should be similar since my writing is just another form of creative output to keep myself from going crazy.

All I know is that I have lost touch with my pen and paper, as well as my keyboard recently, and I think its time to start having an outlet once again. My other blog (http://maverickschmaverickmobile.blogspot.com/) was put together to form something of a more interesting nature to share with the public whenever I'm in a goofy, opinionated, or rambling mood.

But today, I'm not in a mood to entertain. I'm rarely in that mood anymore, which is very disheartening. I love making people smile, laugh, or just feel anything in general.

I want to have fun and spend time with friends and family, but I'm tired. Life is exhausting enough as it is, and living it with endometriosis is much more draining than I care to contemplate, so I normally slip into a state of partial denial and attempt to keep moving.

But it's time to make some new goals. Moving into the new place with the boyfriend, getting my dog back, and piecing life together for a brighter future, it has all inspired me to keep moving forward and searching for ways to feel like I can truly enjoy all the positive aspects of life. I have made a few decisions today as I began doing research on changing my diet yet again to a more strict meal plan. I will be facing my endo and both ovarian cysts head on yet again, but this time with a renewed sense of faith and confidence that I can conquer this. This last round of hormone treatment was a crash and burn and actually made life much more frustrating over the last month. The potential improvement was a failure, and I want to take a more natural approach to heal from the inside out. This is not going to be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever really is, I guess.

I want to enjoy the positive aspects of my life, and hormone treatments are just not the way to go. My Lupron experience wasn't as awful as it could've been, but since it had no positive long term effects, I don't feel the need to do that again either. Exercise and a good diet are great for improving the lifestyle of anyone, and with my issues, it is one more way to try to feel better (while also avoiding these monthly doctor visits that just seem to get me down since nothing is changing except the decreasing of funds in my bank account.)

I have always felt that happiness is a choice. Life bats you down constantly and it is your job to pick back up and ask yourself what you can do to make things better. I am a small speck in this world and no matter what I might tell myself, the world owes me nothing. I must take charge of my happiness. It is always an uphill climb, but it only makes me stronger and more capable to deal with life head on. One day at a time, step by step, I don't want to be tired anymore and its up to me to find out how to fix it. I don't want to live with the fears my pain and hormonal dysfunctions throw at me constantly. I want to step up to the plate ready to battle anything.

I feel blogging and journaling will be a great way to document any progress (or speed bumps) on this new found path. "Talking" about it and letting my thoughts and fears flow out freely just seems to put things into perspective better. The more I stay in touch with my goals, the better chance I have to succeed and being thankful for all the things that keep me smiling.

Beautiful Distractions

Woo hoo! I think I may finally be figuring out the coordination behind html once again! Back when MySpace was the happening place to be I had all sorts of scripts and such saved in my memory bank to scroll text, change it's color, and reformat my page. These days...I feel like a monkey staring at the computer screen. Click. Oops... Click. Click. "Dah, well, let's just let the text fall where it will!" Then...poof! Instruction pages showing me to change tabs for composition, and VOILA! Actual structuring begins!

I didn't realize how much I missed blogging and doing internet research until I started going through pictures, talking with friends, and looking at all of the technical upgrades that have taken over since the old MySpace days when I rambled every few days about this, that, and the the other thing while also keeping up with friends by checking out their bloggerizations as well.

So far, I'm liking the pictures. So many more possibilities to ramble when you can share the photographs you take or find that suit your topic. Stealing awesome photos from friends and relatives, uploading pics long lost in the depths of Photobucket or Myspace, or random Google searches that reveal the infinite possibilities uploaded by everyone and their brother that flood our search engines.

Creative entertainment from the minds of the ordinary and extraordinary alike. I look forward to finding new things to write about as well as reading some of the great work other people are publishing.

And I have decided I need to go on an adventure. That is one of my goals for the week. It doesn't need to be anything too grand in scale, just...something. I need to venture outside when this chest cold ickiness goes away and find something new or interesting. I miss my walks and want to take advantage of the sunshine!

Grabbing some delicious Yogurtland or Pinkberry wouldn't hurt either...

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Unexpected twists and turns. Feelings tugging at my heart strings. Should I stay or should I go? I used to be so conflicted, but I can't run away from what seems to be the right thing anymore.

I have been following my heart and trying to find my way in a place that used to make me happy just by being there. Slowly but surely, the pleasantness began to fade and I started feeling lost and unsure where fate was leading me despite what I was so sure I wanted and my efforts to keep on going. Discouragement seemed to be getting the best of me so I fought the only ways I knew how.

As happy as I was when I first took a leap of faith and tried to forage my way ahead, there is only so much energy I have to keep moving in one direction when I am being pulled in another. Nothing has specifics so far, but the end result is the only thing that matters.

Round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows, though you can be sure she won't stop until her heart glows!

Anti-Ode to the Sickness

Sickness--you suck.

It is never pleasant to wake up in the morning to a feeling of an unsettled stomach and a pain in the brain. My skin feels bruised and sensitive to touch. No bueno. My head feels like it has been bashed with a blunt object while my brain is swimming around my skull. Blargh. We won't discuss the end result of a sick and empty stomach, since we all know what that feels like.

Thanks to the wonders of modern over-the-counter medications, Theraflu has made it possible to still attempt to enjoy being with my boy while I have him around. Though I awoke to the beginnings of aches and pains bright and early, I was lucky to be able to stay home and try to get some rest. Between his coughing and my restlessness, we had to turn to the medicine chest. Restful sleep is always glorious in these situations so Nyquil and Theraflu made it possible to get the sleep, while the boyfriend made it possible to eat some soup without having to leave my bed.

I look forward to another bowl of soup and night of spaced-out and restful sleep to help make the rest of this all go away. The sudden frustration of yet another ailment that came right out of the blue has really put a few things in perspective. It takes situations such as these to really appreciate the privilege of having someone to take care of you. Having been alone most of these past months and dealing with such ailments as strained muscles, a flu, 2 colds, among other things, I felt very lucky to have someone around this time, though I hope not to spread my germs.

Plan:

1) Drink vitamin c supplements like they are going out of style
2) Eat Progresso Chicken Noodle Soup to my hearts content
3) Sleeeeeeeeeeeeep

An Introduction of Sorts

I have always considered myself a writer. What kind of writer still remains to be seen as I continue a journey of discovery. I love all forms of writing, though my most frequent commitment to the craft has always come in forms of journaling and blogging, though a search through my closet would show you approximately 7 binders full of notes, stories, and character profiles of tales yet to be completed that I have typed or written over the last 14 years.

I have been attempting to kick my writing into gear by picking up a few more books, articles, or scripts to read, and it has definitely made an impact on my frame of mind the last few weeks. As I become more addicted to Facebook, I find I am much less productive in many aspects of life. Between work and lack of sleep, Facebook seems a great place to zone out and play social games or chat with friends--whatever your pleasure--to have an escape from the daily (or nightly) grind that sucks your energy day in, and day out.

As this addiction has grown, making me less likely to make an appearance on MySpace, I decided to try a new blog medium. The idea of being able to text a quick blurb here and there was an interesting option, as well as having something new to encourage me to find more interesting activities to do with whatever time I can find. So here I am.

What I will talk about, I do not know. As I begin to have friends, family, etc... join along and (hopefully) read whatever I find to share, I hope I can make it interesting.